With a rasping gust of air, our collective livers wheeze a sigh of relief, for they have survived another year at the Frocester Beer Festival.
This year proved to be something of a watershed. It was the first time we came equipped with foldable chairs, a true indication of the onset of old age and impending death.
We have long been ‘anti-chairs’ at Frocester, complaining that their mass introduction to the ‘drinking field’ was unwelcome as they formed vast, unnavigable mazes of esher-like complexity that prevented the union of foggy-brained drinker and beer tent.
Sod it, we thought. Our ageing limbs deserve comfort, and besides, we could now sit facing the music stage and moan about not knowing any of the songs.
Nick’s Top Five Festival Beers
1. Forge Brewery – Dreckly
A glorious bitter with gorse and heather added to giving the brew a complex and fragrant herby richness
2. Marble – Squared
A pale drink with a good, rugged dose of hops
3. Canterbury Ales – The Miller’s Ale
A proper copper coloured beer with a good malty bitter balance
4. Cotswold Lion – Shepard’s Delight
A light, citrussy beer that deserved more sunshine
5. Naylor’s – Velvet
Crosshills, North Yorkshire
A rich, moreish pint – our pick of the dark beers
Rich’s Top Five Festival Beers
1. Goose Eye – Chinook Blonde
Keighley, West Yorkshire
A sharp, citrus kick to this classy blonde ale
2. O’Hanlons – Yellowhammer
A mellow golden yellow that’s all too easy to drink
3. Williams – Caesar Augustus
An IPA/lager cross, but this beer is pure pedigree. Sharp and zesty with a hint of honey
4. Bespoke – Saved by the bell
Hoppy. Like a sack of angry rabbits
5. Milk Street – Funky Monkey
Whiffs of toffee. Summer in a glass
Frocester in Numbers *
Number of fights witnessed in 21 years of attendance
Percentage of beer spilt out of glasses by over excited, rugby shirted oafs
Total hours of sleep robbed by inconsiderate early hours campsite guitarist .
(Based on the estimate of 300 campers x 1.5 hrs average restlessness, allowing for 5% of people who find Oasis songs belted out on a tuneless acoustic a panacea for insommnia)
Number of scotch eggs crushed underfoot by clumsy drunks
Number of times the joke “I bet this goes straight back into them barrels!” is mentioned in the mens urinals
* may well be mathematically incorrect.